That when people die, there's no such thing as closure.Or at least, that it takes a long,long time for it to come.
Yeah I know, I'm depressing everyone again, but I've been thinking about my dad lately (That's probably the reason that I've been losing sleep) and I only feel a bit better now than I did two months ago this time. Maybe it's because I'm still not used to him not being around. Somwhere in my brain, it has'nt yet registered that he's not here anymore, so sometimes I'll be like "Wait till I tell dad about this!" about some stupid thing that happened, or that I saw, and I'll remember "Oh yeah. I can't do that." Last week, I was on my way home from classes, trying to call anyone, because I wanted to talk and see how the family was, and I nearly called his old cell number.
Pie Iesu,Domine, dona eis requiem.
2 comments:
Oh Joe. I'm sorry.
As I said at the time, I've never lost a family member as an adult but I have lost a close friend suddenly. Eventually, the everyday expectations do begin to fade: wanting to phone him to tell him about something that's happened, being surprised at not seeing him in the usual places, and so forth - along with the helpless feeling of disappointment when you realise it's an impossibility. You may not even want them to fade when you notice it happening. It isn't for nothing that people don't delete these phone numbers, dialling them to listen to the voicemail greeting.
But other things will not fade, and those are the things to hold onto: the good times, the good memories of what were bad times but which take on a new significance now, funny expressions and sayings. I have idiosyncrasies in little things I do slightly differently from most people. I am fully aware of them but they are things I refuse to change because they are the way my mother taught me, and I don't care what other people think.
Closure may not be a reality but I hope you are able to move to the next stage in time.
M x
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